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There was time in my life when I was called "Dr. D" more than anything else, not mom or even JoAnn. I was teaching about 90 students per semester at a small university tucked in the Allegheny Mountains, two hours away from the nearest major city. That's how it was in my "Wellness and Society" class, with mostly senior Sociology or Criminal Justice majors whom I had known for 3 or 4 years. They casually called me Dr. D and some even shortened it to just plain 'doc' which I secretly loved.
I had created this class specifically for this set of students, who I felt especially close to. Many of them were my advisees, so I knew them fairly well and knew how stressed out they were at the tender young age of 21. It genuinely worried me how tense these students were and I wanted to give them a class that offered them practical solutions. In this class, I wanted to expose them to some of the techniques that I had tried over a 20 period, as well as give them the newest information on alternative health options and nutrition. Our class was small, only 10 students, and was comprised mostly of discussion, experiential learning, and field trips.
In this class, they experienced yoga, breathwork, meditation, music therapy, acupuncture, Reiki, massage, ionic foot cleansing, and a myriad of other new and old techniques that alleviate stress and I secretly hoped, would create more joy in their lives. Joy is the best antidote to stress that I know of.
It was fall and heading into an early cold winter. I knew from experience that this is when some of my students would begin to become despondent. They felt isolated up there on that mountain campus, with constant lake-effect snow. The incessant darkness would bear down on their spirits. I knew how it felt because I had succumbed to the depression myself in past years; the dark days become relentless.
I watched with dismay as many of my students sank into a seasonally affected state of mild depression. This year, I really wanted to give them some tools to stave off the potential misery that accompanies the long months of winter. So, each week, I cheerfully presented to them more ideas and gave them more chances to try them out. Some weeks, I felt despondent that they just did not care at all and they were never going rise out of their funk.
At one point during one of the discussions, one of the male students Cullen said, "Dr. D, you are just the happiest person I know. You are always happy." He meant it as a compliment, but I could also feel him thinking, "All this stuff is easy for you. You just ARE this way." That night I went home and made up my mind to share my own past with them. I could not let them think that joy was easy and just happened to some people and not others; that it came to me naturally and they could never achieve it. So, like a true doctor I wrote out for them the Prescription for Joy listed below and I told them my story.
I came into class the next day, told them to hang on to their homework; we'd discuss them later. Today, we were doing something different. I asked them to sit in a circle and I reminded them of Cullen's comment from yesterday. I said, "Today, I am going to tell you how I became joyful." I told them that when I was their age, in college, I was in a very abusive relationship, much like the students from University of Virginia where the young woman was recently killed. Back then, I wondered every day if I might end up dead. I was drowning in the depths of despair. I am saddened to hear that a death from domestic violence has happened on a college campus, but maybe now people will wake up to the truth about dating violence in college. It can happen to anyone, and it does.
My college was situated in the heart of northeast Washington DC, in 1990, when it was known as the Murder Capital of the World (with upwards of 5 murders a day!). A man who lived in the apartment next to us was gunned down with a double-barrelled shotgun, while we were hangin' out one night. I constantly felt like I was in the crossfire of violence.
Years of living in constant fear and terror had wreaked havoc on my health, especially my adrenals (my fight or flight response), and quite frankly, I had not yet recovered. I shared more details from my life at that time and they got the point. At their age, I was stressed too, maybe even moreso than they.
I related how I've spent the next 20 years of my life finding ways to bring joy back in and that I am always searching. I explained that joy takes work, constant effort. Joy doesn't necessarily just happen on its own, though it certainly can, but it must also be cultivated.
For me, my daily practice of meditation has been a constant source of "prepping my soil," so to speak, for the potential joy, peace, happiness, bliss that are present in my life. But thinking back to my early twenties, I came up with the list at the end of this essay that I hoped might inspire them to find their own ways to cultivate joy too.
At I ended my story, there was complete silence in the room. I knew I had shocked them; they knew me as a professor, wife, and mom of two awesome children. I literally lived in a house with a white picket fence! They never imagined that I had come through such a past. I looked over at Cullen, and he looked lit up from within. His eyes were bright and he said, "Dr. D, that was an amazing story. I've got a lot more respect for you now." I thanked him and just asked that he keep my story in his heart. He promised he would.
Dr. D's Prescription for Joy
1) "Road Trip it": "Sometimes you have to journey out to journey within."
a. Go somewhere warm; see 'big nature.'
b. Drive across the country- twice. Sleep outside when possible.
2) Nurture your relationship with Nature:
a. Hike, bike, walk, kayak, ski, etc.
b. Be in silence.
c. Skip school or work & be in nature when no one else is.
d. Notice nature- even from your window.
3) Serve other, serve others, serve others:
a. As much as humanly possible, share your financial, emotional, physical resources with others.
b. Schedule it into your week, like any other event.
c. More than anything else, this will open up the door to joy.
4) CREATE/ENJOY music, the arts:
a. Concerts-iPod-Cds: Listen, dance, move.
b. Sing in the shower.
c. Join the world drumming ensemble- make music with others.
5) Play like a kid/ play with kids:
a. Ride a swing & swing REALLY high.
b. Volunteer with children.
c. Color with crayons.
d. Get a pick-up game of football, Frisbee, baseball together
6) Get healthy- stay healthy.
a. hydrate like crazy; ten glasses a day is not too many.
b. eat whole foods; eat something that looks like what it is called: fruit not fruit roll-ups.
7) BREATHE!!!!!! Learn to notice your breath & posture all day long. Take time to pause.
a. Meditate- fortify yourself each day like a daily vitamin.
b. Start slow (5 minutes a day) & then slow down (2 min a day); work your way up slowly.
c. Make it a part of your essential daily planning.
8) Go "Unplugged"
a. Go tech free for a day;
b. shut off your cell phone, laptop, iPod, etc. just for one day. See how you feel. Do it again.
9) More fun, less stuff
a. Give up consuming for awhile
b. Give your stuff away.
10) Take a fast from the Fast Lane!! Take a day off; schedule it now.
You don't have to be in-the-know. It's more fun to be in-the-mystery! The source of true joy lies within.
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